Backbending Analyst?

When I was in college, I remember sitting in the office of the head of the economics department talking about what I was going to do once I walked across the stage and received my BA. He told me I was good enough to be an economist; I told him I loved yoga. "So, figure out how to combine the two," he said. "You will struggle if you try to pursue one without the other."

To be honest, I'm still trying to figure out exactly what that means. Do I work as an economist and jump headfirst into my own practice in my free time? Do I pursure a life of teaching yoga and delight in devouring the Wall Street Journal over coffee every morning? The combinations seem both limited and limitless.

There is no crime in not knowing, but there seems to be something terribly wrong with hesitating indefinitely. For me personally, this comes in the form of taking a slew of seemingly irrelevant jobs in the hope that while I am hanging out in the safe zone the answer will suddenly appear in front of me.

As I listen to the radio, read the newspapers and watch the news everyday taking in all that is going on in our local, national and global economy, I find more and more reasons to hesitate. Will we begin to live in a time where our options truly are limited? Where the sky is not the limit? Will all of us who struggle so hard to take that first step suddenly become completely paralyzed with fear (perhaps with good reason)?

I cry and whine a lot about not knowing what direction I am going in. There is a constant sense of terror beneath the surface of what is on the whole quite a full and incredible life that I lead. Always however, no matter the people or events I am engrossed in, there is a gut feeling within that I am avoiding something much bigger, something much more important, something that if I continue to ignore will eat away at me indefinitely.

Perhaps I should teach yoga to economists?? Maybe analyze the economic stimulus of yoga studios in developing nations? I have a clue, but I'm scared to admit it even to myself. I know this for certain, I can't have one without the other and the longer I hesitate to move forward in this world with pursuing my own unique path, the farther I move from the center of myself.

As W.L. Murray says, " Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.

I learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets: Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!"