Acceptance

Quitting my job last summer seems to have been a great decision that sent my life out of balance.  Ever since then, it feels like each day is an internal struggle-- no money but lots of freedom, babysitting gigs but no Saturday night, loads of freedom to do or be whatever I want but no idea how to fund what I want to do or be, discovering that we didn't need as much money as we thought but not having as much money as I want to buy a house and start a family.  I could go on and on.  And I recognize that that's pretty much what life will always be -- so I've been trying to accept where I am and just live in my present life.

Our world makes that pretty difficult but I think I would be in a worse place if it wasn't for the practice that yoga allows.  It teaches to stay in the pose you're in and not think about where you're going next, to know if I really should be in child's pose or if I'm just being lazy, to discover that the leg that is usually the strongest, is suddenly weaker than the other.  And to accept that your right leg is so incredibly wobbly that you can't stand on just it, let alone raise your hand in the air and open your hip into Half Moon.

Despite that difficulty, last Friday night I DID accept a newly-found wobbliness in my right leg.  And I was not getting frustrated, even though I couldn't hold a modified version of the pose for even one breath.  Truly, I was OK with it.  I figured there was a good reason my right leg needed a break and I wasn't going to get mad at it.  I set both legs, steady on the ground, took a deep breath and just as I was about to give it another go, Dorcas appeared beside me, lifted up my left leg, leaned against my right hip and held me in Half Moon.  For several moments my friend and teacher supported me with her body while I breathed.  It was wonderful.  I relaxed into my body until she set me down gently.  Just when I was able to accept where I was and not get angry or frustrated, a friend came along and lent me her strength and balance.

I hope that I can remember that feeling for my life.  I'm pretty sure I won't be that patient and balanced all the time but each time I am, I will add to the percentage of my life when I am present and breathing, rather than forcing myself to do things I shouldn't or planning for my next move.

Once again I am thankful for yoga and the teachers and friends at Sol.

Amanda Mizeur