NO MAN IS AN ISLAND

I remember reading a study on CNN.com a few years ago that said the average American had only one person they considered a close friend outside of their immediate family. I remember thinking how sad and pathetic this was and wondering if perhaps this wasn’t a societal problem as much as a personal one. With commutes, blackberries and an increasingly competitive academic and professional world, do we really have the time to simply cultivate (forget embark on new) relationships?

What I have realized in the course of my short life is that without a community (yes, community – not just your family, plus one friend) of all different types of relationships, we simply cannot thrive in this life. We may ‘survive’, but it will be a just barely, black and white existence. The color of life can only be provided by the joy, pain, disappointment and surprise that come from colliding physically, emotionally and mentally with other human beings on a level below the surface. A carrot is good by itself, but it is so much better when it is chopped, spiced and stewed for many, many hours with meat, potatoes and other vegetables. Cheesy analogy, I know - but there lies some truth in the fact that many of us ignore building a diverse, flavorful community because existing essentially alone in the world is so much less messy and so much easier to control.

Not that long ago, my life depended on the support of a community of people I had never met before and was convinced I had nothing in common with. I resisted entering this community and tried to isolate myself as much as possible while I was in it. People were not something I was used to depending on, reaching out to or enjoying. I had convinced myself that I was different in decidedly negative ways from everyone else in the world and that what I wanted most was to be left alone. However, as the community began to break down all of the protective barriers I had put up, I realized that not only was I essentially the same in terms of my desires and struggles as all of the people in the community, but that people naturally gravitate towards supporting and caring for each other. When you strip away the fear of perception and self-image, people genuinely want to laugh, love, share and play together. It feels good to encourage and support others and to have them do the same for you. It liberates us.

If we look at the concept of 'community' around the globe, we find that so many other cultures value the idea of family and friend cohesion in a way we are not encouraged to do so in America. In so many ways 'separateness' is glorified in our society. While I certainly value independance highly, when I think back on the happiest moments of my life, few of them were spent alone. And in fact, most of the happiest moments were when I was a part of something larger than myself.

Fall is a time for gathering together. Embrace this natural impulse to share your time and commue with others. Slap on a sweater, grab a fall beverage and start spreading the love. It is an investment of your self and your life that will reap endless dividends.